Reading about the dispute regarding the stare decisis issue between Justice Paul and Justice Sri Ram now make me think that even lawyers themselves hate lawyers, don't they? I'mnot going to comment who's right or wrong between the two learned judges, but I'd like to do what Irsha and Sam did - share some internet and email jokes with you. But these jokes are specially meant for lawyers (jangan marah bang!).
What do lawyers use for birth control? Their personalities.
What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off of you when you die.
Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.
What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand? Not enough sand.
What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road? There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.
Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.
What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? Lipstick.
What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane? Skeet.
What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer? Chelsea Clinton If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you swerve to avoid hitting him? It might be your bicycle.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.
It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?) I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates. "$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"
You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do? You shoot the lawyer. Twice.
Last dose.A lawyer in Charlotte, NC purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim with the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued....and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."
But... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine. This is a TRUE news story. NOT a joke.
What do lawyers use for birth control? Their personalities.
What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off of you when you die.
Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.
What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand? Not enough sand.
What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road? There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.
Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.
What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? Lipstick.
What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane? Skeet.
What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer? Chelsea Clinton If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you swerve to avoid hitting him? It might be your bicycle.
Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.
It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?) I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates. "$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?" You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do? You shoot the lawyer. Twice.
Last dose.A lawyer in Charlotte, NC purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim with the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued....and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."
But... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine. This is a TRUE news story. NOT a joke.
1 comment:
Hello everyone he is best actor and I saw this is my first comment good luck.
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