Friday, May 26, 2006

They Really Hate Lawyers, Don't They?

"It is interesting to note that criminals have multiplied of late, and lawyers have also; but I repeat myself." - Mark Twain

Reading about the dispute regarding the stare decisis issue between Justice Paul and Justice Sri Ram now make me think that even lawyers themselves hate lawyers, don't they? I'mnot going to comment who's right or wrong between the two learned judges, but I'd like to do what Irsha and Sam did - share some internet and email jokes with you. But these jokes are specially meant for lawyers (jangan marah bang!).

 What do lawyers use for birth control? Their personalities.
 What is the difference between a tick and a lawyer? A tick falls off of you when you die.
 Why does the law society prohibit sex between lawyers and their clients? To prevent clients from being billed twice for what is essentially the same service.
 What do you have when 100 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand? Not enough sand.
 What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road? There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
 What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.
 Why are lawyers like nuclear weapons? If one side has one, the other side has to get one. Once launched, they cannot be recalled. When they land, they screw up everything forever.
 What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in 3,000,000 has a chance of becoming a human being.
 Did you hear that the Post Office just recalled their latest stamps? They had pictures of lawyers on them ...and people couldn't figure out which side to spit on.
 Lawyer's creed: A man is innocent until proven broke.
 What's the difference between a female lawyer and a pit bull? Lipstick.
 What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving from an airplane? Skeet.
 What do you get when you cross a bad politician with a crooked lawyer? Chelsea Clinton If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why should you swerve to avoid hitting him? It might be your bicycle.
 Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythical creatures.
 It was so cold last winter ... (How cold was it?) I saw a lawyer with his hands in his own pockets.
 A man walked into a lawyer's office and inquired about the lawyer's rates. "$50.00 for three questions", replied the lawyer. "Isn't that awfully steep?" asked the man. "Yes," the lawyer replied, "and what was your third question?"
 You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do? You shoot the lawyer. Twice.

Last dose.A lawyer in Charlotte, NC purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against fire among other things. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars and without yet having made even his first premium payment on the policy, the lawyer filed a claim with the insurance company.
In his claim, the lawyer stated the cigars were lost "in a series of small fires." The insurance company refused to pay, citing the obvious reason: that the man had consumed the cigars in the normal fashion. The lawyer sued....and won! In delivering the ruling the judge agreed with the insurance company that the claim was frivolous. The judge stated nevertheless, that the lawyer held a policy from the company in which it had warranted that the cigars were insurable and also guaranteed that it would insure them against fire, without defining what is considered to be "unacceptable fire," and was obligated to pay the claim. Rather than endure lengthy and costly appeal process, the insurance company accepted the ruling and paid $15,000.00 to the lawyer for his loss of the rare cigars lost in the "fires."
But... After the lawyer cashed the check, the insurance company had him arrested on 24 counts of ARSON! With his own insurance claim and testimony from the previous case used against him, the lawyer was convicted of intentionally burning his insured property and was sentenced to 24 months in jail and a $24,000.00 fine. This is a TRUE news story. NOT a joke.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Macam Mana Nak Cantik?

Leceh kalau tanya soalan ni pada lelaki, kan? Jawapan macam-macam je: "Kau dah memang cantik" (ada udang sebalik batu kan?); "Kau jangan pakai apa-apa, mesti cantik!" (somebody please call the ambulance and paramedic for this guy please!); "Kenapa pulak kau nak jadi cantik?" (patut tak aku kata dia bodoh?)Sahabat aku pernah jawab "Ada orang akan anggap kau cantik, ada yang tak". "So? Beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder?" "Yes. Definitely. Tapi sebab beholder tu manusia, dan manusia selalunya berubah-ubah fikiran, kau faham sendiri la.". "Jadi, kecantikan kena ikut citarasa semasa?" "Ya. Makin panjang masa berlalu, maka peliklah citarasa." "Pelik?" "Makin masa berlalu, makin kita tua, makin tak cantik." "Habis tu apa yang pelik?" "Sebab masih sayang." Tak semua orang akan anggap wanita dalam gambar-gamabr ni cantik. Sahabat aku mungkin ada citarasa tersendiri. Tapi aku rasa aku tau yang mana satu jadi idaman dia, kan bang? Kalian anggap yang mana cantik? Semuanya? Memang tak hairan kalau seorang perempuan meuji seorang perempuan yang lain sebagai cantik. Bukan tak biasa ya kita dengar orang perempuan kata "Cantiknya perempuan tu!". Tapi terasa pelik kan kalau kita dengar seorang lelaki kata "Handsomenya jejaka tu!" Ngeri!
Yang ini pilihan kau, bang?

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Endearing

Endearing...
An e-mail from someone saying "I am thinking of you"

Endearing...
A hug from an innocent child, out of the blue

Endearing...
A remark from a friend saying "Hey, you know what, I miss you"

Endearing...
A forgotten song, playing at the back of your mind, reminding you of "those" times

Endearing...
An unexpected flower from your sweetheart

Endearing...
A favourite dish cooked by your mother especially for you

Endearing...
An old battered book you never tired of reading again and again

Endearing...
A picture from your childhood that touched your heart

Endearing...
A soft, old teddy bear remains by your side all these years

Endearing...
A handmade card from your child saying "Mummy, I love you"

Endearing...
A cup of hot cocoa from your sibling when you are cold

Endearing...
A "How's your day" from your daddy when you reached home

Endearing...
A beautiful rainbow across the sky

Endearing...
Your favourite song playing on the radio while you are having a bad day

Endearing...
A piece of chocolate offered to you when you need your sweet fix

Endearing...
the word it self carries such a soft, gentle, beautiful sound.. and meaning too

Saturday, May 06, 2006

Keretapi yang Dirindu...

I still remember those days when I used to travel by rail. Those scary-looking locomotives. The smell of metal. The swings and shakes that made it almost futile just to walk from your seat to the toilets. And toilets? You could actually see the rail through the toilet bowl. And the sound of metal clashing and banging from underneath the coaches. Miss those days.
Now, our trains are more... ermm... modern? They look better. The locomotives are more powerful. The coaches look better. But I haven't been on board a train (except LRTs and Komuter) for many years now. I just see them from the outside. I can't really say about the toilets now. I hope passengers don't have to see the rails underneath them while they're using the bowl anymore.
But I know for a fact that the rails are still the same. Well, I guess they do replace the rails and slippers as and when necessary. The routes are the same I guess, probably with some different views and scenery here and there. I hope Bukit Berapit route is safer now. Whatever it is, I miss traveling by train. I miss the scenery the trip has to offer. I miss the swings and shakes. But I definitely do not miss the open-bottom toilet bowls!

So guys, what about all of us on vacation somewhere far - by rail? Cuti sekolah nak dekat ni!

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Secret Recipe

Hey K-ozzies!

How's everybody? Hope you guys had a really nice and relaxing weekend. Anyway, nothing much to tell, just thought of posting these pics taken on the Secret Recipe outing. Can't remember the date, SORRY! Thanks to our lovely and generous miss Emm-n-Emm for treating us that day. The pics are too candid and blur.. but it's alright kan.. as long as the precious moments were captured (gambar cam group rock wajib mesti ada!). Too bad for those who couldn't come - Sam The Great and G-string.. We missed you!

For the rest, I believe everybody enjoyed their meal (I know I did - that yummy Tom Yam noodles and Apple Kasturi, even though I salivated over Pootz's meal). Still can't get forget Moon's generosity and good heart by presenting Emm and the Queen their VERY BELATED birthday presents, it was hilarious, thanks to Pootz! and oh yes, the presents were really cute, nice one Moon! ;-)

I think everybody had a good time that day eventhough a tad too short for me. Not enough time to catch up with everybody. Anyway, hope to do this again sometime (very very soon, I hope) and hopefully with the full quorum.

Okie then, signing off for tonight. Take care people! Be good!

Miss u lots and much love!